I've realized that with the holidays come gatherings, and with gatherings come meeting people, and with meeting people come questions.
Now maybe it's a YouTube thing or a Hollywood thing, or maybe it's just a human social skill OR lack there of....to ask "what do you do?" upon meeting someone new. My response is always, "I'm a YouTuber", to which I must immediately follow up with (gauging that I need to do this from the clueless look on their face) "I make YouTube videos....on the internet"....yup, clueless and now confused acquaintance is not only still very clueless and confused, but they are now slightly intrigued because they heard the word internet.
YO, I'm a comedy girl, that's the kind of videos I make *insert video of me changing my name and why here*.
So my 'job' is that I'm a YouTuber. As a YouTuber it's my job to create. Now here comes the tricky part.
What does a job with YouTube even mean?! Ya know, my parents still ask me how it is that I support my daughter by 'making videos' for the internet and i's complicated ok. One day I'll talk all about it. For now I'll do for you what I do for the rents and that's to define what I do.
So 'job' is defined as: 1) employment; that which is employs you and I am employed...thank you YouTube (yes mom, this is me being employed), 2) business; this is my business, and 3) position; ....my position as a YouTuber is to record my thoughts and rants in my own way that convey my personality....which to me is throwing some sketch elements in there because I can never take anything too seriously. Obviously.
So essentially, my JOB is to be creative to a live audience! Ohhh noooo pressure right?! If you think the life of a YouTuber is grand and stress free and perfect, you couldn't be farther from the truth. Yes it is grand, no it is not stress free and it is really not perfect.
Unlike most jobs, most of us started out doing YouTube out of hobby, and liking to be in front of the camera, I mean let's face it, we're all attention whores or we wouldn't be plastering our faces all over the internet for the whole world to see and comment on. Buuuuut it's still a job nonetheless, or it's at least become one for many of us through the evolution of YouTube.
We still get up in the morning and write sketches, blogs, scripts, etc, then take the day to film, then take the rest of the day to edit...blah blah blah life of a YouTuber blah blah I don't have a team of people blah blah. And just being in the mood to be creative on camera at any given moment isn't so much where I feel the pressure, it's what to be creative about that forces me into procrastination mode. Hence me changing the format of my channel a million gazzillion times because it's not about what works or get views for me (though this is some awesome incentive), because if I'm not happy doing it then your not gonna be happy watching me because it'll be so obvious and painful.
I hate when people do things on YouTube because it will get the views. If you love it and it gets the views then hey, win win. But I was there, I know what it's like to make videos and want to be noticed because I was cleavage chick for like the 1st year of my YouTube presence and I stillll have to block remove and delete boobs boobs boobs comments. I know ALL about working my angles...no pun intended. But then sometimes it moves from what people want to what you want, or it did for me at least.
I still want to know what my audience wants to see, but I'm more focused on giving them something I like and them liking what it is that I'm doing more than anything. After all, they are on your channel to see you, and if they don't like what you're changing well then you either do what's good for business or you do what's good for you. For me, I am doing what is good for me. I'm actually in a place where I love the video content I create, even though I still get stuck on what I want to film that day or that it will take me forever and a day to edit (because I am THE worlds slowest editor. Imagine a snail going uphill in the middle of winter, on a hill made of molasses).
So I've switched my channel from green screen and characters to my now vlog/sketch and beauty channel and it's like a WHOLE variety hour when you visit my channel, and not only are you getting new content, but you're getting a new name!! *GASP*!!!! YUP, I've changed my YouTube channel name and all eighteen gazillion social media handles to my name, Jess Lizama.
Why would you brand yourself ExoticJess and then change it almost 3 years later you may be asking. Well, I did it because like all things in life, I've evolved and I want more for my channel, my brand, myself. And my ExoticJess name, though I chose it and have no regrets about it, will have to just hold a dear place in my heart because some people are just assholes and can't see past the word Exotic, or even worse of a numb nut move to make is they mistake exotic for erotic.
NO, I've never done porn before so don't ask and if you get a close punch to the forehead if you do ask then don't be surprised. Even though I did modeling back in the day and I'm still very proud of my body and any choices I've made, I've never done anything I'm not proud of, but that doesn't mean exotic means sex. Jesus. And you shouldn't do anything you won't be proud of anyway. Own your decisions, love your choices, and live with your consequences. I'm a mother, it's my duty to lecture you I apologize. But in all seriousness, I want to do more mommy blogging and more acting, and more of everything that has to do with me entertaining people and making people laugh whether that be on my channel, on a web series, in a comedy club, or on the big screen, I'm leaving everything open to possibility. So it is unfortunate that something as simple as a user name would hold me back.
Wow now that was a tangent! It went from talking my job on YouTube to my name on YouTube to what I want for the future to me being your mom....maaaan my segways are flawless!
What I meant to say is that I know all about wanting change, wanting more, feeling stuck, and experiencing creative blocks. I've been in creative funks and I've been discouraged about YouTube changes and how it affects my life, and how YouTube can be so drama infested.
What I tell people when they ask me about what I do and how I stay creative (because we are on a constant 'must create something new mode'), is what I also struggle to remind myself. That if you keep moving and doing what makes you happy not what makes you money (hey sometimes these two things go hand in hand cheers for those of you who broke the code), if you keep creating no matter what that means for you (writing, singing, drawing, filming, editing, directing, etc) that everything else will fall into place.
Youtube isn't for everyone and I don't plan on vlogging my whole life, it is a platform for me to try new things and see what I love most, and the goal is different for everyone. But staying active, doing something daily to forward your goals in the over all big picture, and remembering that those down days also balance out the overwhelming crazy busy days, will keep you focused. Accomplishing the lil goals help make the big goal a reality. So eighteen hundred paragraphs later; set goals.
We breathe our destiny into fruition people, think of it cheesy or cliche, but I am a firm believer of this. Your thoughts are more powerful than you think, and the energy and people we surround ourselves with become our energy. So be focused, stay positive, surround yourself with good, and remember that people don't talk about their shit days or all the things they AREN'T doing with their lives. Some people do, but most DON'T. MOST only talk about the good, so don't compare.
Be happy, be creative, be you, and who the hell knows how I turned this blog from being about me being a YouTuber to me being Yoda for the night telling you how to lead happy fulfilling lives. I rant, I know this. YouTubers have it just as difficult as any other person in any other profession in that we all struggle to maintain, stay relevant, make money, have lives, and do what we love....imagine that.
love, the girl who doesn't know when to stop typing goodnight xoxo
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